Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
