plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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