Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
