When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize