The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize