If that was your dad, he is hot
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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