Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
