You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize