I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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