Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
