theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
