Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
