I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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