And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
