I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
