I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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