her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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