I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
