So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
