I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
