Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
