saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
