Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
