she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
