so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
