dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
