i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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