She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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