Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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