i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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