I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
