So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
