I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
