im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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