a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
