I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
