I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
