Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The Olympian is in my bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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