Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
