There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
