you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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