I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
