How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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