She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
