why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
