I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
