yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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