If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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