I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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