i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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