also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
