why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
