would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize