maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
