we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
