he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize