I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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