I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
