I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
