cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How does it feel to date your dad?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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