Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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