i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
