i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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