remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
