operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
