dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
