I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
