it's too hot outside to masturbate.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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