I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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