she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
