Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
